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All of these are tests of masculinity for these adolescent men.
Many boys become interested in weight lifting magazines with photos of muscular men whom they wish to emulate as a way of demonstrating their masculine prowess. According to Robert Stoller, a psychoanalyst and researcher on sexual issues and pornography, the role of pornography is to serve as the reverse of life events that occurred during childhood.
For men, shame issues are directly related to sexual performance, and definitions of masculinity. There is just no pretending; He either ejaculates or he does not.
For the male, part of sexual performance has to do with getting and maintaining an erection. If he fails to ejaculate he feels less like a real man.
There are many noteworthy things to say about the responses we have gotten so far on this issue of pornography but three questions stand out in my mind at this moment: 1.
By far, the largest number of emails have come from angry and disappointed women. Men view pornography in secret and in isolation from their female partners. Rage: Clearly, many women are enraged by pornography and direct their wrath at their men.
Shameful feelings of self condemnation can be extremely harsh, especially when it is perceived that a deeply valued belief about what is and is not socially acceptable has been violated. The individual who feels shame engages in total self condemnation, whether other people are aware of it or not.
Shame is much more powerful than guilt because feeling guilty is connected with a single act or behavior of which the person disapproves. Instead, there is awareness that some law or code has been violated in a single instance. It involves a complete judgment of the entire self as negative.
Women compare themselves to other women and fear that they are not thin enough, shapely enough, or large breasted enough to fit the stereotypical view of what is defined as a beautiful woman.Children who were abused, targets of corporal punishment at the hands of parents, or who were otherwise mistreated gain joy out of pornography by identifying themselves with the sadist in these photos and movies.In other words, they become the masters and the women become the slaves.Some of these female writers report that they even view some internet porn along with their partner and feel especially angry that their partner will sneak away to view porn websites in isolation.The comments express outrage, hurt, puzzlement, and confusion about what goes on with their men.